so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
