his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize