They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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