saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
