I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
