no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she looked like the before picture.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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