do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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