Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
