morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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