sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize