Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dicks are not precious.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
