you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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