Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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