I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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