God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
