guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
zippers are such a cool invention
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
