the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
