You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
