I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize