I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
