I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize