ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
