mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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