Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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