So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
