So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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