I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
dude. I can hear the air.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
