Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
