Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if only i could text you this smell
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize