Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
His nipple licking is glorious
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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