Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
