do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
