If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
last night I used snow as a chaser
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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