hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
