conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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