If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
