well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
