Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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