Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
