you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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