I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
