So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
