I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
