you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
