apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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