The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
