i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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