wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Congratulations! We have a period
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
