Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
