i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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