If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
