Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
