I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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