I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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