I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
