That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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