the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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