i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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