dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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