this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
