You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
