Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
