just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
