Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
