don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
