You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
