Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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