I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
