i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
