dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just made my gag reflex go away.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
