he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize