idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
